Friday, November 5, 2010

My Latest Realisation

I have found that I am very much in tune with the feelings and emotions of fictional characters I encounter in books and movies. I can relate so much to how they feel that I almost feel as much as them in that moment when I’m reading the book or watching the movie.

Today I was reading Bridget Jones’s diary. I read one part where there is a very emotional moment between Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy. I felt it so much, like I was there, like it was me and for about five minutes I was lost in this bubble of feeling. This made me think and ask myself, why do I feel so much for these people and situations which are not real and find it impossible to conjure up similar feelings in real life.

The truth is, these sort of moments, these emotional, romantic, tortuous moments. They never happen to me. Ridiculous moments, wildly funny moments, tense, angry, tearful moments yes, but romantic, emotional etc never.

Sometimes in retrospect I might think of an event and think maybe that qualifies, maybe at such and such moment I was really in an emotional situation, maybe this is what I was feeling and maybe he felt such and such emotions, but this is always in retrospect. I have never felt that sort of intense emotion in the present. I have never looked into someone’s eyes and been overcome by emotion (okay maybe once... I saw this guy I had a crush all dressed up and walking towards me and I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach).

Anyway today I started to think that maybe the reason why I feel so much for fictional characters is because I subconsciously channel my real feelings into fictional situations so I don’t have to deal with them. Real feelings very often end in hurt feelings. But in fiction, no matter what kind of book or movie it is, the good guys always win and the good people always end up together.

Anyway I have decided to be more in tune with my feelings. I have no idea how to achieve this especially since I have been saying this for about a year now. This is just one more element of my general “commitment phobia”
Still trying to deal with it though.

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