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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Only Exception

Currently loving “The only Exception” by Paramore. I loved it when I first heard it a couple of weeks ago and then I forgot about it a little bit but then I saw Rachel (Lea Michele) sing it on Glee... wow!
 
You, are, the only exception and I’m on my way to believing in love............sweet.

On my way to work today there was a guy on the BRT bus with a cast around his hand and one of his fingers . On the cast people had written a lot of stuff like “Be Careful”, “Get Better Quickly’”, Get well soon”, “Take care we love you” and other such stuff. It was sweet. I was going to ask him if I could take a picture of the cast but I couldn’t work up the courage. Not that I’m not usually bold, in fact I am very bold. I just don’t know why I shrank today. Maybe I didn’t want to draw the attention of other people on the bus or something.

I saw Megamind about two days ago. I fell in love with Megamind despite his big blue head and badguyness. There is something about a guy sincerely in love that gets me everytime. I think it’s because guys in love are so rare. I know there are guys’ everywhere being crazy about this girl or that girl but a guy sincerely painfully, happily and truly in love is very rare indeed. It is truly a sight to behold. It’s a sight to melt the most hardened of hearts.

Girls in love don’t inspire the same sort of feelings in me no matter how sincerely in love they are. Maybe that’s because girls are always in love. It’s become too common.

I have a date on Saturday but my PM (Project Manager) wants me to come to work. Spending Saturday with a middle-aged white man poring over drawings is not my idea of fun at all.

Sometimes I wish people were like layers on an AutoCAD drawing that I can turn on and off whenever I like. Sometimes I’d just turn all the other layers off and be the only person in the world. Then I’d turn on the people I miss. And maybe the rest of the world when I feel like it. That would be great.

I have been in love with someone for a while now, as usual it’s someone who’s not really in my life. Well now I have decided to fall out of love, that’s usually the hard part, coming to that decision because no matter how dysfunctional my being in love usually is. It’s a feeling I enjoy. Oh well.

I don’t know what to say to the people who keep advising me to commit to someone. I have a problem with all kinds of commitment. Before I see a movie I want to know it won’t disappoint me. I can’t commit two hours of my time to something that would be terrible. It’s the same with books and people. Giving my time to someone is an idea that puts me off. I want to be able to always make a snap decision and follow it. I want to be able to spend time with someone I like when I feel like it and switch off with no questions asked when I’m bored... why is that so bad?

About a year ago I was with this guy who used to be so all over me ugh -I still don’t like physical contact with people, no matter how casual, except when I like it – (That makes no sense right?). Anyway I knew he wanted a serious relationship. So I started to imagine me, married to him, in his flat, living with him, having that together life and I actually started to feel nauseous. That’s the way the thought of commitment makes me feel. Trapped and suffocating. Maybe that's why I only ever go out with people who will soon undergo a transition that will take them far away from me.

Speaking of relationships, my first boyfriend had this phone with a voice recorder then, I used to have a lot of fun recording my voice on that phone. I found out later that he used to listen to my voice whenever I wasn’t around. That still makes me smile even though it was years ago..... I like being loved.

Oh and here are the lyrics to the song I was talking about.

The Only Exception - Paramore

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

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