Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What is a Relationship Autopsy?

What is a Relationship Autopsy?

It’s self descriptive isn’t it? Relationship Autopsy. It’s the choice of words though that’s strange. An Autopsy? On a relationship? For God’s sakes?

I was thinking of a past relationship this morning. Just musing on stuff that happened. I do this in my spare time. This time I was finding more things to blame myself for... as I do all the time. In what ways did I change from the person he fell in love with. In what ways did I reveal that I wasn’t a safe bet...? (I say reveal because most of the time I don’t think I’m a safe bet anyway, God help the guy who finally ends up with me). Anyway, as I was musing it occurred to me that what I was doing could be described as carrying out an autopsy on my dead relationship.

So now I’m asking myself. How necessary are relationship autopsies. Do we really need to delve into the heart, liver and stomach of a dead relationship, to see what went wrong, so that we can a) Move on b) Not repeat the same mistakes next time. Or should we just throw that corpse of a relationship in the next available coffin, nail it shut and bury it under a pile of concrete.

Relationship Autopsies hurt. If you conduct it too soon it hurts because the pain is still fresh. At this time though you’re still convinced it’s all his fault. The bastard. How could he? And your friends are usually very understanding even as they apply liberal amounts of ‘I told you so’s ‘I told you he was no good’ ‘I told you he had a girlfriend’ ‘I told he looked a bit weird’ ‘I told you he was just too good to be true’... whatever.

It still hurts if you conduct it after a while. By this time you know it wasn’t all his fault. By this time it has become quite clear that you really didn’t have to tell him to get the hell out of your life because he said you best friend looked like she needed a man... because you now realise that he was right, at least about your best friend. It hurts because the little things that used to piss you off so much about him that made you decide to dump his sorry ass... well you can’t remember most of them now can you? Even the ones you can remember seem downright charming. So he liked to sing Bob Marley in the shower, so what? I bet since he left you’ve caught yourself singing Bob Marley in the shower more than once... and then remembering him with a smile. Sad but true right?

What happens when you don’t conduct an autopsy though? You go into the next relationship blind, that’s what happens, you go in there still believing that you are the best thing that ever walked the face of the earth and can do no wrong. Well in this case you’d probably have another dead relationship in no time, and this time, well, I would advise that you conduct that relationship autopsy.

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